Let me be really honest with you. For the longest time, I struggled deeply with external validation, to the point where it genuinely controlled how I experienced my life. Getting ready for a night out with my friends was never just fun or exciting, it was stressful. I would try on outfit after outfit, constantly checking myself in the mirror, adjusting my hair, fixing my posture, all while silently hoping someone would say something. The moment I walked into a room, my attention was not on enjoying myself, but on reading faces and waiting for reactions. Compliments were not a nice bonus for me, they were emotional oxygen.I NEEDED IT!
If I didn’t receive compliments, my mood would crash almost instantly. It felt like confirmation that I didn’t look good enough, that I had failed in some invisible way. My entire night could be ruined by silence. I would feel insecure, embarrassed for even trying, and emotionally exposed. Instead of feeling present, confident, or joyful, I would spiral inward and all I wanted to do was leave, go home, and cry. What makes this even harder to admit is that it wasn’t just about strangers or romantic attention. Even my friends’ reactions mattered deeply to me, which made the shame feel heavier because I felt like I should be above caring that much.
Getting a new hairstyle triggered this pattern even more intensely. I would spend time and money changing my hair, feeling hopeful and excited, only to feel completely deflated if no one said anything. In those moments, my mind would go wild. I would start questioning whether I made a mistake, whether I looked worse than before, whether people were secretly judging me. I would feel this overwhelming urge to hide, to disappear, to retreat into my room and cry myself to sleep. Looking back now, I can see how extreme that reaction sounds, but at the time, the emotional pain was very real and very consuming.
Eventually, I reached a point where I knew I couldn’t keep living like that. I was exhausted from handing over my power to other people’s reactions. I realised that as long as I needed external validation to feel okay, I would never truly feel secure, no matter how good I looked or how many compliments I received. That realisation pushed me to go deeper and actually look at the core wound behind the behaviour instead of just trying to fix the surface-level insecurity.
What I uncovered was a wound around not feeling seen, chosen, or validated unless I was being praised. Somewhere along the way, my subconscious had learned that love, safety, and worth came from external approval. Compliments became proof that I was enough. Silence felt like rejection. Neutral reactions felt like failure. Once I saw this pattern clearly, everything started to make sense. I wasn’t needy or insecure for no reason, I was replaying an old wound that had never been healed.
I started doing the inner work seriously. I leaned into inner child healing, journaling honestly about my fears, and exploring my shadow without judging myself for it. I learned how to sit with discomfort instead of immediately trying to escape it. I practised reparenting myself and giving myself reassurance in moments where I used to seek it from others. That work was important and necessary, and it helped me understand myself on a much deeper level. But even with all of that, there was still something missing.
What truly changed the game for me was using affirmation audios consistently. Not occasionally, not when I remembered, but having them in my ears as often as possible. Especially during my most triggering moments. Getting ready to go out. Getting ready with friends. Being on holiday and sharing space while getting dressed. Sitting in the car or walking to the function, feeling that familiar knot in my stomach. Those were the moments where I used to spiral the most, so those became the moments where I focused my healing.
I would play my affirmation audios while doing my hair, applying makeup, choosing outfits, and even while walking to meet people. I didn’t wait until I felt confident to use them. I used them because I didn’t feel confident. Repetition was everything. The subconscious mind does not change through logic or one-off insights. It changes through consistent, repeated input. Over time, without forcing anything, my internal dialogue started to soften. I wasn’t constantly scanning for validation anymore. I started feeling more grounded, more present, and more secure within myself.
Instead of traditional affirmations, I used askfirmations, and that made a huge difference for me. Askfirmations work because the mind naturally tries to answer questions. When you repeatedly ask yourself something, your subconscious begins searching for evidence, even when you are not consciously aware of it. Rather than forcing statements I didn’t fully believe yet, I asked questions that gently guided my mind in a new direction and allowed my self-concept to shift naturally.
The tone of the audio mattered more than I ever expected. I didn’t want something robotic, formal, or overly spiritual. I needed something that felt like my best friend hyping me up, grounding me, and reminding me who I am when I forget. That tone made me feel safe, and when your nervous system feels safe, change happens so much faster. That is the exact tone I used when creating my own askfirmation audio, the same one I played on repeat while healing this pattern.
I originally made this audio just for myself. After seeing how much it changed my relationship with myself, I decided to refine it and make it available through Aligned Mode. You can find the audio here
If you have ever struggled with constantly seeking validation, feeling crushed by silence, or tying your worth to other people’s reactions, this is for you. You deserve to feel confident and secure without needing permission from anyone else.
-A post made by our founder Dia